Saturday, January 25, 2014

Very Early 2014 Topps Thoughts - RAGE EDITION

Wednesday, January 29th should be one of the best days of 2014 for collectors. But it won't be. Warning: I'm about to shit all over 2014 Topps and I haven't even held it in my hands yet. If I can despise it as much as humanly possible going into the middle of next week, maybe I can be pleasantly surprised when I begin to waste money on it.

Out of 330 cards, 9 of them are Royals. That's fair, but Topps selection of Royals is pretty much piss-poor. I'll NEVER understand why they don't only include guys who are under contract for the next season in Series 1. It's so frustrating to see cards of players who had zero chance of being with their former team in the new season, still appearing for that team on a card. This made a little more sense when Topps used to release Series 1 shortly after the World Series ended, but now it comes out just a couple weeks before spring training. That's laziness. Because of that, I'm stuck with players like Chris Getz and Bruce Chen in a Royals uniform for one more year. If they show up in Heritage, I will riot.

As soon as I heard that 2014 Topps had started to leak at some Targets, I hopped on Ebay to get a preview of what people were pulling and DEAR LORD WHAT IN THE HELL IS THIS MONSTROSITY!?!?!?

You know how in every sorority hazing scene in movies there's one bitchy Senior who takes a marker and marks an "X" where all of physical flaws are on the Freshman pledges? Yeah, give me an effing marker. Imagine that 2012 Topps made love to 2013 Topps stickers.

Now since 2012 Topps and 2013 Topps Sticker Collection are both in the Topps family, they would put out an defective incest baby that happens to look like this:

What's with the wavy crap on the bottom, then the robotic nameplate that doesn't fit on the side? Why? There's no rhyme or reason! After years of mediocre Topps flagship designs, 2013 was supposed to be the light at the end of the tunnel. Well it was, but Topps turned around and headed deeper back into the dark. Don't get me started on the green border. Topps has finally hit the point where they've put out so many parallels, that they're running out of combinations of ROYGBIV to put around the border. One of the set designers must be a new parent who got their inspiration from what they found in their baby's diaper. 

As you can see, I'm not in the best of moods. I honestly don't think Topps could have come up with a worse design than this. If I pull either a "Booger Green" parallel or a "Piss Yellow" parallel, I will set it on fire, then light a fat cigar off of it to toast the moment Topps jumped the shark. 

1 comment:

  1. I wasn't a fan of 2013's design when first released but it really grew on me to the point where I actually quite like it now. But there's NO chance of that happening again last year. Every part of the 2014 design is atrocious.